Oncologist Appointment

Oncologist Appointment             

Well, this was the day that I was looking forward to.  The oncologist appointment.  I had high expectations that this was going to be informative, professional, and that I would walk away feeling taken care of, secure in the expertise of the knowledge of this doctor.

I called the office in the morning to find out if they had all my reports.  Yes, we have them all. Ok then this visit will sum up all of my tests and labs. 

First impressions… he reminded me of the absentee professor.  I looked at Greg and just said with my eyes…seriously.  Please don’t take me wrong, this man was very kind, I’m sure very knowledgeable.  I just saw my first impression of my oncologist different in my head.

The conversation went something like this. 

Doc: You had two biopsies, one negative, one positive

Me: No, I had three biopsies

Doc fumbles through all the reports.  Doesn’t see it.

Me: Do you have the MRI report?

Doc: Yes, steps out of the room

(he’s going to call the lab and get the report on the third biopsy)

Meanwhile, I am thinking what have I gotten myself into.  It just seems like they don’t know what’s going on.

After physical examination the conclusion for treatment will be chemo, surgery then radiation.

Me: Well, if they take off the one breast why would I need chemo first?

Doc: Yes, well, you can do surgery first then chemo.

Now I’m thinking, am I giving my own way to recovery?  I’m growing less and less confident in my office visit.

I’m kind of reeling in this state of mind, trying to think of questions to ask. A little too much for me.

Doc tells me that the tumor is 5.5 cm, bigger than what I thought.

He was kind and caring but I just felt short changed.

Doc: I’ll see you in two weeks, have an order for a blood test to see if there is any other concern of cancer some where else.  He’ll set up an appointment with the breast surgeon. Gave me the name of a couple of surgeons.

So, on my way out they handed me a nice folder with a fancy page telling all about the doctor and his credentials then at the sign out there is a sheet with 17 questions rating the office, and the visit.  I felt like…what is this?... really a questionnaire at the end of my visit.  It just seemed odd.

I was going to ask what stage my cancer was but then I thought why, what is that going to do.  I know the size, I know right now they don’t think that it’s spread somewhere else.  I just wanted to leave.

The night goes on, lacrosse game and calling people to tell what happened.

I wanted to start over, try this oncology thing again with someone new.  I guess a second maybe third opinion is what I need now.

Got some great advice from Kellie, whose been through this, she gave me another place to get second opinion and suggested that I get the first doctors written plan for my treatment.

So, woke up this morning kind of discouraged and frustrated.  Now what?

Well, today I need to call for a second opinion, go to lab, go to MRI, call insurance, call doctors offices place and get all my updated reports. (Yes, this is a part time job)

Meanwhile, my breast is visible getting worse.  A lot worse than two weeks ago.  Very deformed.

Had my morning coffee and started reading the story of Ruth again in the Bible.

Read chapter 3.

What I got out of it.

Ruth, who is a widow, was sent by her mother-in-law to go to Boaz, who was a distant relative. She was supposed to tell him that she was available for marriage.  In those days a distant relative would marry the widow to carry on the name.  Now Boaz was second in line to marry Ruth.  He told her to just rest and that he would take care of it. 

“And now, my dear daughter, don’t you worry about a thing; I’ll do all you could want or ask” Ruth 3:9-13

Ok, so, don’t worry about a thing.  Alrighty, I won’t

“now go back to sleep…” (3:13)

“Naomi (her mother in law) said, “Sit back and relax, my dear daughter, until we find out how things turn out; that man isn’t going to fool around. Mark my words, he’s, going to get everything wrapped up today.”

God said to me relax, and so that’s what I’m going to do.  It’s a place of trust.  Yes, I have all my phone calls and running around, but I can still be in a place of rest.  Then God gave me this song.  I haven’t thought about this song in years, like 20.

It’s slow, but it’s what I needed.

My sister then sends me a verse in the Bible that she got today for me.

Then my daughter-in-law sends me this.

From two different coasts, Atlantic and Pacific.

God is real!

 "Relax, don’t worry about a thing.", "I'll take care of everything"