More Test, More Doctors

This is my notebook and three ring binder. It's filled with notes, questions, phone numbers, names, reports, Cd's, and whatever else that I have to remember. Thanks Cindy for this suggestion.

Wouldn't it be cool to be able to give people with their diagnosis a, "how to kit"? How to keep track of everything.

Well, after my visit to the oncologist. I called my doctor's office and told them how crazy my visit was. The oncologist never even discussed what kind of cancer that I have. I told them that I wanted to see another oncologist

Meanwhile, calling insurance and doctors offices to see how to get a second opinion.

Later in the afternoon, I got a call from the office manager from the oncology group. Told her the truth about my visit. It was far from what I expected. She was so sorry and scheduled me with another oncologist for next Wednesday.

Got a call last night from primary doctor, she is concerned about my MRI and blood work results. So, is this the time that I freak out? The word "concerned", just has too many worries associated with it. Well, she wants to see me asap.

I had my results from the MRI, from my secret person on the inside, am I missing something?

This morning went for more blood work. Picked up my MRI report and lab results. as always it seems like I'm in a whirlwind.

Visit with the primary doctor wasn't too alarming. Blood work showed a few things that were high. New to me was that I am prediabetic.

The solution; low carb, low sugar, whole foods. For the cancer, take vitamin C, eat more broccoli, stay away from dairy. OK, can I still have my glass of wine, or two? Just kidding.

The cancer that I have is not a fast growing kind, that's encouraging.

My visit to the new oncologist will be different, thanks to Kellie, I am armed with lots of questions. I will know the treatment plan and can share with all of you after my visit.

Thank you to everyone who is praying. God is filling me daily and I appreciate that. Also, for all the kind and thoughtful text messages. You are really lifting me up and I appreciate you all very much.

This morning I slept in with my puppies. God is faithful. He gave me this scripture, as part of the scripture for the day on the Bible app.

... the Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself, sacrifices himself if necessary....

I thought about, "he puts the sheep before himself"...

Jesus is the Good Shepherd.  He puts me before himself, that's how much he cares and is thinking about me. He's selfless, he really does care.

Today, woke up with this song was on my heart.

Oncologist Appointment

Oncologist Appointment             

Well, this was the day that I was looking forward to.  The oncologist appointment.  I had high expectations that this was going to be informative, professional, and that I would walk away feeling taken care of, secure in the expertise of the knowledge of this doctor.

I called the office in the morning to find out if they had all my reports.  Yes, we have them all. Ok then this visit will sum up all of my tests and labs. 

First impressions… he reminded me of the absentee professor.  I looked at Greg and just said with my eyes…seriously.  Please don’t take me wrong, this man was very kind, I’m sure very knowledgeable.  I just saw my first impression of my oncologist different in my head.

The conversation went something like this. 

Doc: You had two biopsies, one negative, one positive

Me: No, I had three biopsies

Doc fumbles through all the reports.  Doesn’t see it.

Me: Do you have the MRI report?

Doc: Yes, steps out of the room

(he’s going to call the lab and get the report on the third biopsy)

Meanwhile, I am thinking what have I gotten myself into.  It just seems like they don’t know what’s going on.

After physical examination the conclusion for treatment will be chemo, surgery then radiation.

Me: Well, if they take off the one breast why would I need chemo first?

Doc: Yes, well, you can do surgery first then chemo.

Now I’m thinking, am I giving my own way to recovery?  I’m growing less and less confident in my office visit.

I’m kind of reeling in this state of mind, trying to think of questions to ask. A little too much for me.

Doc tells me that the tumor is 5.5 cm, bigger than what I thought.

He was kind and caring but I just felt short changed.

Doc: I’ll see you in two weeks, have an order for a blood test to see if there is any other concern of cancer some where else.  He’ll set up an appointment with the breast surgeon. Gave me the name of a couple of surgeons.

So, on my way out they handed me a nice folder with a fancy page telling all about the doctor and his credentials then at the sign out there is a sheet with 17 questions rating the office, and the visit.  I felt like…what is this?... really a questionnaire at the end of my visit.  It just seemed odd.

I was going to ask what stage my cancer was but then I thought why, what is that going to do.  I know the size, I know right now they don’t think that it’s spread somewhere else.  I just wanted to leave.

The night goes on, lacrosse game and calling people to tell what happened.

I wanted to start over, try this oncology thing again with someone new.  I guess a second maybe third opinion is what I need now.

Got some great advice from Kellie, whose been through this, she gave me another place to get second opinion and suggested that I get the first doctors written plan for my treatment.

So, woke up this morning kind of discouraged and frustrated.  Now what?

Well, today I need to call for a second opinion, go to lab, go to MRI, call insurance, call doctors offices place and get all my updated reports. (Yes, this is a part time job)

Meanwhile, my breast is visible getting worse.  A lot worse than two weeks ago.  Very deformed.

Had my morning coffee and started reading the story of Ruth again in the Bible.

Read chapter 3.

What I got out of it.

Ruth, who is a widow, was sent by her mother-in-law to go to Boaz, who was a distant relative. She was supposed to tell him that she was available for marriage.  In those days a distant relative would marry the widow to carry on the name.  Now Boaz was second in line to marry Ruth.  He told her to just rest and that he would take care of it. 

“And now, my dear daughter, don’t you worry about a thing; I’ll do all you could want or ask” Ruth 3:9-13

Ok, so, don’t worry about a thing.  Alrighty, I won’t

“now go back to sleep…” (3:13)

“Naomi (her mother in law) said, “Sit back and relax, my dear daughter, until we find out how things turn out; that man isn’t going to fool around. Mark my words, he’s, going to get everything wrapped up today.”

God said to me relax, and so that’s what I’m going to do.  It’s a place of trust.  Yes, I have all my phone calls and running around, but I can still be in a place of rest.  Then God gave me this song.  I haven’t thought about this song in years, like 20.

It’s slow, but it’s what I needed.

My sister then sends me a verse in the Bible that she got today for me.

Then my daughter-in-law sends me this.

From two different coasts, Atlantic and Pacific.

God is real!

 "Relax, don’t worry about a thing.", "I'll take care of everything"

Easter Is Not Over 4/22/19

Today was the day that I had to go for my MRI.  As of Friday the lab did not receive an order from my doctor.  When the lab called the doctors office they said they weren’t going to order one for me. 

On my mind I just want to get a better picture for my Oncologist visit Wednesday.  I was bummed.  

So, I called the office to see what was going on and they were closed. Really closed at 3:30.

The solution would be to go to the office as soon as they opened up Monday morning to get the order.  I was already to plead my case.

This morning I was going to continue with my reading in Ruth but I thought, “Easter isn’t over, it’s just the beginning”.  So, I opened up to a Mark and Matthew and read the scene after Jesus was crucified.

Here were the woman, three of them, going to the tomb.  They had the spices so that they could embalm Jesus’ body.  They were talking among themselves about how in the world would they move the stone out of the way.  I can just imagine them talking and wondering how in the world they could do this.

Then they come to the tomb, well the stone was rolled away, and then the scriptures say, “and they walked right in”

God gave me a sense that I was going to "walk right in" today.

Today, that’s what I needed.  I needed to walk right into the doctor’s office, have no problems getting my order.

On the way over to the office I was just talking it out with God.  I could say God I need you to roll this stone away.  I need this MRI. Or I could say God you know and whatever happens, I’m ok with that.  

So, in my mind God wasn’t really responsible for the outcome.  So, I made a choice.  God, “I’m trusting you to roll this stone away and get me this order.”

I was the first one at the door.  After they opened the door in I marched all ready to spill my case before them.  Then the receptionist said, “Oh we called it over, here let me give you a copy”. 

Yes, the stone rolled away and I walked right in.

Thank you, God.

This is the song that God gave me this morning.

How It All Began - Timeline

April 8, 2019, Monday morning

 I found a large lump on my breast.  I thought that my body was just getting old.  I’ve noticed a dimpling underneath my breast.  I just chocked it off to age.  But this morning my breast looked deformed.  My nipple had turned inward and when I made a soft touch I found a lump.  So, off to the doctors I go.

April 9^th, 2019, Tuesday

Go for my first ultrasound and mammogram.  I thought that I would have the scans then the doctor would get a hold of me with the results.  Nope, radiologist came right in and said she was very concerned.  I asked what does concerned mean on a scale of 1-10.  She said an 8-9.  She thought that it was cancer and that I should remove my whole breast.  Wow!  So, I get my diagnosis and my treatment all at once.  I was by myself so, now I had to process this news. 

April 10, 2019, Wednesday

 Go for my first biopsy.  They take 3 samples. One from a small spot and three from another spot.

April 11, 2019, Thursday

 I got a call from my  niece who got a hold of my scans and said that they had missed a spot.

April 12, 2019, Friday

I go for my second ultrasound.  Yep, they had missed another spot.  Again, highly suspicious, a 10.  A different radiologist thinks that this spot is connected to the first spot.  There were originally 3 spots, one was nothing the other two were highly suspicious for a malignancy. An MRI could confirm this.  So, I schedule an MRI for Monday, April 22.

Meanwhile I’m waiting for the pathology report to confirm all of this and it seems like it’s taking forever.

April 16, 2019, Tuesday

Pathology report comes in with the diagnosis of Invasive Lobular Carcinoma, yes, breast cancer.

Still waiting for more of the pathology report to come in to see what this cancer is made of.

Meanwhile I am making lots of phone calls.   Calling insurance, oncologist, labs, imaging center, doctors offices.  Also, trying to find the right Oncologist to go to here in Temecula.

April 17, 2019, Wednesday

2^nd biopsy

April 18, Thursday

Make an appointment for an MRI.  Which can show if the two spots are connected.

Friday 20, 2019, Friday

Mix up at doctor’s office, they didn’t order MRI.  When I realized the mess up, they were closed. Closed at 3:30.

April 22, 2019, Monday

MRI

Pathology is still pending from both my biopsies

April 24, 2019, Wednesday

First visit to the Oncologist

His Quickening Spirit - 4/21/19

Sunday, April 21, 2019…Easter…sitting out in my backyard, just enjoying the birds, the quiet.  Having my coffee with my doggies next to me and while I scroll through Facebook, one of my favorite preachers is preaching.. Alistair Begg. As he shares about the different responses at the empty tomb.  My heart is just overcome with joy.  He is speaking about how faith is formed in our hearts.  I knew I had to write this down.  I needed to remember what he was saying.  I literally ran out of room in my journal and grabbed my laptop.  This is the beginning of my writing for my blog, 

Breast Cancer Our Journey

. 

How can I explain what God is doing in my heart?  How can I have perspective with this diagnosis? Alistair Begg said it perfectly and I wanted to share it with you.

We were dead in our trespasses and sins….can I believe….no ….why…"because we are dead in our trespasses and in our sins.  So, the only way a man or woman ever comes to believe is the result of the quickening work of the Holy Spirit.  I have to be quickened before I can believe.  The faith of which I believe and trust is only mine because God has created it within my heart….”  Alistair Begg (Easter, 2019)

This is why I wanted to write about this journey.  God has really filled my cup.  There are five things that I want to share on this blog.

Perspective, People, Praises, Promises, and Prayer.  These are all an intregal part of our journey.

Why "Our Journey"?

First, I thought that this blog should be called, Breast Cancer My Jourey, but then I realized that really, it’s Our journey, not just mine.  When people hear of a diagnosis of cancer something arises in them and they become part of that person’s journey.  Whether it’s family, friends, or acquaintances.  All of a sudden you are all part of the journey.

I wanted to write a blog so that people could keep up with what’s going on.  This journey may be short or it may be long.  Not sure. But I want to be honest and open so that you can know for yourselves, my victories and my struggles. 

I know for myself, when I hear the diagnosis of cancer I tend to run.  Why should I say? What can I do?  I feel helpless.  I had a roommate that had cancer, I was so sad.  This sadness paralysed me and I didn't even visit her.  Years later I apologized and told her I was so afraid and didn’t know what to say.  So, in this blog you can know what is going on and you don’t have to say anything.  Some people want to know details.  So, that is why I am writing.

I would like to use this blog to give the perspective that I am running on and the perspectives of my 15 year old daughter, (Mary) and my husband (Greg).  I asked my daughter what she thought about sharing on this blog.  She was all in and so was my husband.

If this blog helps just 10 people in some way then its’ all worth it.

I will share my perspective. How God has encouraged me.

I will share how people, praise, prayer, and promises have affected us.

I will only mention first names of the people God has sent our way.

I will try to put in helpful links for others that are going through this.

I will answer emails, time permitting.

You might wonder how can you believe that?  How can you not be discouraged?  How can you except this diagnosis.  Because God, the Holy Spirit is alive in me.  He has quickened my spirit to believe.  He is doing the job that He is called to do.  The Holy Spirit will bring all things to your remembrance.  My cup is full because God has filled it. 

People…your prayers are being answered.  God really has encouraged me.  He has filled my cup.

Happy Easter!!!  He really is alive.

Greg –

     I was encouraged this morning when Mary came to the tomb, she was told “Jesus is not hear, go tell the disciples, he is risen”

As she was running she was fearful and filled with joy at the same time. Fearful of the unknown but joyful of what she knew, that Jesus was risen.

So, we can have both fear of the unknown and fear of the known.