Without A Ray of Light?

July 7 2022, Isaiah 50:10-11

10 Who among you fears the Lord
    and obeys his servant?
If you are walking in darkness,
    without a ray of light,
trust in the Lord
    and rely on your God.
11 But watch out, you who live in your own light
    and warm yourselves by your own fires.
This is the reward you will receive from me:
    You will soon fall down in great torment.

This just stuck out to me and reminded me of, Even If…by Mercy Me.

MercyMe-Even If

…you’ve been faithful, you’ve been good all my life.

Also, I Will Praise You In the Storm, by Casting Crowns.

Praise You In This Storm - Live

…I will praise you in this storm…the God who gives and takes away…and I’ll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands, For you are who You are, No matter where I am….You never left my side…

Just sit back and listen, how is God speaking to you?….that is what I write about. He is the one who pulls at our heart strings, he’s the one who touches that inner place. He echos. Just listen. He’s trying to encourage, for He is the God of every encouragement. How do you see Him today through His revelation of Himself?….it’s never apart from His word…

When you listen to music, does it line up with the word?….

That’s why it’s so critical to get the word in your heart….so the spirit can bring all things to your remembrance…

So, this is how God is encouraging me. You can probably tell by the words that I boldened..

First, the thought ….If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light….what does God want me to do?…trust in the Lord

What does your situation look like…no light…not even a ray, hopeless?, discouraging?, wanting to just give up to the sadness, the darkness? If you know God…He is right there in the valley with you.

Psalm 23:4

Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a](the dark valley of death)
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.

It could be the darkest hour of your life. The hardest thing that you are going through. 

This psalm God put on my heart when Greg passed…God is real…some of these songs have been part of the anchor of my soul….and Greg’s too. What is your anchor in the storm?  What holds you down in the craziness?  Is it light from your own light your own fire?  Your own way of thinking, doing, being?  God wants to be the hope of our hearts. Our hope in the darkness. Our anchor to our souls…he won’t let the sails rip, the boat capsize…he will keep you anchored, sure footed…and he will bring you safely to where he wants you to be. 

Storms are going to come and go throughout our lifetime…how will you weather them?. In your own strength, wisdom, fortitude? Or relying and trusting God?

If you are walking in darkness,
    without a ray of light,
trust in the Lord
    and rely on your God.

He’s real!

It Takes 2 or 3

“Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven;a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.” (Matthew 18:20)

God has put this passage on my heart these past few days.

Yesterday was a national day of prayer. My family didn’t take advantage of this, but today is a new day and we can today.

It just takes 2 or 3.

God knows all about what is going on that’s why I thank him for this verse.

He knew there will be times when we only can gather a few of us at a time.  Sometimes it’s during persecution. But this time is in time of sickness.

God says that there is strength in 2 or 3. When we come together in his name.

Most of us live with 2 or 3 people or know 2 or 3 people.  So, take this time to know his presence, but also that He will go into action on our behalf.  It’s saying “Amen” to one another’s prayers. That we agree with one another.

There is power in this number, 2 or 3.

Let’s keep praying for our country and the world.

I want to make the most of this time with my family, the 3 of us. To come together and pray, worship, enjoy Gods presence.

Know Him as the “way maker”….“miracle worker”… “promise keeper”.  

Enjoy His presence, seek His guidance, and dance before Him in worship.

Love you.

When Should I Fear?

Coronavirus is in another country…then in my country… in my state…my city…my school…my neighborhood…my doorstep…my home.  

When should I start to fear?  

That’s the question I had to ask myself….and then God said, “Do not fear”.

Jesus and his disciples were together in a boat, in a monster of a storm.  Jesus was asleep, but he was with them. When they woke him up, saying “don’t you care?”. And he rebuked them for their unbelief…as a Christian, be reminded that Jesus is with us.

“You of little faith,” Jesus replied, “why are you so afraid?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it was perfectly calm” (Matthew 8:26) Berean Study Bible

In other translations it says, “there was a great calm”.

A great calm, that’s what we need today.  As a Christian we can know this experientially.

How can you have peace, know calmness, in such a time as this? It’s by knowing the God of peace.

Maybe you are just hearing the winds that are howling or seeing the waves that are overwhelming. It’s time to know who is in the boat with us.

First of all, do you know Jesus? It’s time to invite him in. Know that he is in the boat with you. And then know these words of comfort.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’  Isaiah 41:10 (New American Standard)

Jesus said, “my peace I give you…not as the world gives”. Peace doesn’t come from stockpiling, thinking about all that will keep me safe. Peace comes from God.  He is the God of peace. 

The peace of God surpasses all natural understanding.

6Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7) NLT

As a Christian we know our God. He is mighty, able, caring, watching out for us. We are not exempt from the things that are around us, we experience all the trials of humanity, but we just know the God who is the God of peace.

So, dear believer, do not be afraid.

Don’t mistake this peace for not preparing or using common sense. But in the end, really, we need to trust God.  Let others see that great calm in your life. Let them see that you have an awesome God who gives you peace.

“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts…” (Colossians 3:15) NLT

So, dear friends let that peace rule your hearts...

Love you.

My Times Are In Your Hands

This is my life. (Greg and Mary’s too) :)

I want to apologize for not keeping up on my blog.  I had such high intentions but I couldn’t keep up. Almost a little discouraged about it.

I want to thank you all for your prayers, I really do covet them. I thank you for your support, even though it might not be something that you would do.

I had a friend check up on me through email and as I was updating her on my progress I thought that I would just cut and paste and post a new blog.  So, a special thanks to Andrea for helping me post.

So, here it is. 

The past two months have been busy for me. 

I’ve had appointments with, Center For New Medicine (Irvine),  Ocean Pacific Integrative Health (Temecula), Temecula Integrative Health, and Dr Fallah who is a Biological Dentist (Oceanside), Inland Chiropractic (Temecula).  I’m also working with Longevity Health in Georgia, They use bioidentical testing and treatments. Plus my oncologist, general practitioner, regular dentist and oral surgeon.

Besides all of this I am talking with other cancer patients, a cancer researcher and reading lots of good books and articles. I also was offered a consultation with a doctor in Germany.  (thanks Mike)

I’m doing Yoga (for my lymph system) walking (suppose to be for relaxing and breathing but I have the puppies), rebounding (lymph system), weight lifting and working on my heart issues (Healthy Codes).

The more reading that I do the more I find out that you need to treat the whole person.

Daily I shop for produce and then juice.  I juice 72 ounces of fruits & veggies a day.  

Yes, super busy. 

All of this combined… this is the road that I am taking. Each a puzzle piece that builds the path that resonates with me.

I know that what you really want to know, is...is it working?

Yes

I just had some blood work done today (15 vials). I didn’t want to come back so, I had them do it all. I will get the results next Friday on all kinds of things.  

My last test for cancer markers went down. Which we are happy about. 

My tumor got bigger than smaller seen from two ultrasounds. Hopefully I'm confusing it. I have another scan in two weeks. They suggested I have an MRI to be more precise. So maybe in August I’ll do that. 

My sister started a go-fund me page for me.  I’m not one to do that sort of thing but it has come in so handy.  The only things covered by my insurance are my labs and scans. So, I am very thankful for all the donations.

God continues to encourage me and lift my head up.

The other day he put on my heart to read Psalm 139.  How He formed me in the womb. He knows everything about me, how I work and tick.

"I am never out of your sight",

"You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence."

"I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too- Your reassuring presence coming and going."

All in all I’m going forward and trusting God will guide me and heal me. 

“My times are in Your hands”. 

Much love,

Mary
Go Fund Me Page

Unconventional?

First, and foremost, I want to thank you for praying for me.  I covet your prayers very much and can say that God is meeting me daily.  He continues to fill me with strength and joy.

Your probably wondering….where are the updates that I promised….what’s happening with the treatment plan. 

Tell you the truth, I have put this off, because it’s been a hard one to write.  I know that there will be some negative reactions to what I am going to share.

Greg and I met with the oncologist two weeks ago. Her treatment plan was to put me on a strong Chemo at first, then a lower dose.  Surgery, radiation then hormonal treatment. 

She would have to monitor my heart, liver, and kidneys because of possible negative reactions. Years down the road it could affect my bone marrow leading to leukemia.  But, of course, this is very rare.

I looked at Greg and he knew what I was thinking, “no way”.  I did not want to do this at all.

Before I went into this meeting I already had my mind made up to go another way.  Just hearing the side effects and what I would put my body through, confirmed to me that this way was not the way for me.

I was there to see if she would support my decision, or at least humor me with some time.

She said that she didn’t have any kind of nutritional education, so she couldn’t help me with that.   I’m glad she was honest... 

I have decided not to do the conventional treatment plan, chemo, surgery, radiation and hormone therapy.

Maybe you’re thinking… what are you nuts?  What are you going to do?

I have decided to go the unconventional way.  Through diet and lifestyle changes.

To me this is not unconventional. But to the majority of people it is.

I know your praying for me and I believe that this is the right thing for me.

I have been led to many people that have gone before me and who I say are truly the brave ones.

At the bottom of this page I will give some links so, that you can read some of the testimonies and see the protocol that I will be taking.

Those of you who really know me, know that this comes as no surprise.  I have been reading and researching on what is healthy for almost 30+ years.

It seems like all of my reading and research has paid off.  Nothing that I am doing is strange to me.

My days are busy. First thing in the morning, I connect with God, take puppies for a walk, go to yoga, and the store. Then, come home juice, which takes about an hour, prep my salads, read and research (about 2-3 hours). Do household stuff, and dinner. Sometimes take a nap and go for another walk. My days are full.

I am very happy and at peace with this way that I believe God is leading me. 

For those of you who are fearful, I understand.  I know that you love me and want me to be healthy and win this battle with cancer.  So, I have given some links at the that will help explain why I am taking this route.  There are many amazing testimonies of people from all over the world that have healed their cancer.

My mission now is to find a holistic oncologist. There is one in Redlands that I will be calling.

I plan on doing some more blood work checking for cancer markers and food allergies.

I also plan on doing another scan in 60-90 days to see if the tumor is shrinking, which I believe will.

I am so grateful to my landlord who has told us that we didn’t have to pay rent until August.  This has allowed me to buy all the things that it takes to make my home a safe haven and a place of healing.  I am very, very, thankful and grateful for this.

Thank you to my cousin Gail and her husband Michael who are helping me walk this journey. Michael, has brain cancer, is doing the very thing that I am doing.  He has had great success. 

Here are a few of the helpful links to ease your worries.

https://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/

https://www.thevidacenter.com/

All my love,

Mary

From a One-Star to a Five-Star

Surgeon Visit (if you’re in a hurry just skip ahead to the bold letters)

This blog is to inform all the people who want to keep up on my progress upon this journey.

There are six sections, not always covered in every blog, they are Perspective, Promises, Prayer, People, Praise, and Progress.

So, if you just want just the progress, skip to that.  If you want to see my perspective, or any of the other six things then just jump to that section.  Otherwise, this is a story about our journey.

Prognosis.

Wednesday, I went to my first breast surgeon appointment.  Today was going to be the day that I find out about what kind of treatment would be suggested. Finally, I will get some dates on the calendar and get moving with this breast cancer thing.

Before this day came, I had looked up the surgeon to see some reviews, since he was going to cut me up I wanted to see what kind of doctor people thought he was.  None of my breast cancer friends had heard of him.  To me this wasn’t really a great sign.

To my surprise, he only had one star, one review.

Well, I now was beginning to see why an HMO was cheaper than a PPO. No choices.

The day before, Tuesday, I was going to see if I could switch my HMO to a PPO, then I could pick the great surgeons and plastic surgeons.  Yes, they said I could switch and that it would cost me $500 more a month. 

At first, I thought, well that’s out of the question.  Way too much money.  But after talking with Greg, he said go for it.

I was just was going to my one-star doctor for one-star information.  I really didn’t even want to go. In fact, when I was working Tuesday I asked Carol to save the books and I could finish when I came in on Wednesday.  She told me that I was going to the doctors.  Oh yah, I forgot.

On my way to the doctor’s I got lost and was 15 minutes late.  As a side note. I really believe that the GP’s make you stupid.  Because I went right by the Wildomar sign and kept driving because the GP’s said so.

Fast forward, and I walking down the hallway, thinking this is a loser place. (yes, not a very good attitude)

Sitting in the waiting room, a patient comes out and says, “Well, that didn’t make any sense”.  So, yes, this confirms that I am definitely not having this surgeon.

So, we wait an hour and we finally see this one-star doctor.  He walks in with his scrubs on looking ready for surgery.

He was kind, low key, patient, informative, gentle.  Little by little my one-star doctor was becoming a five-star doctor.

By the end of the visit both Greg and I had peace.

This would be my surgeon. (so much for one-star reviews)

Needless to say, that we are very thankful that we didn’t have to switch and that we wouldn’t have to pay another $500 a month. 

God took care of this for us.

So, the plan now is to get a scan on the rest of my body to check for more cancer, which is next week. Then to do a biopsy on my lymph nodes to see if the cancer has spread.  I am waiting for the authorization for this procedure.  Then start chemo to shrink the tumor.  After that we will talk about surgery.  Surgery would not be until 4-6 chemo treatments, possibly more.  I won’t know the chemo schedule until next Wednesday.

It seems like my life is a constant “next Wednesday”.  But, it’s okay, just another piece of the puzzle that leads to the road that I have to take.

People (my heart is full of thanksgiving)

This week has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life.  My workmates put together a gift basket with all sorts of gift cards. Carol, thanks so much for putting all this together. You are very thoughtful.

So many gift cards for so many needs. My family and I are very humbled by the kindness of so many people.

My Chemo Bag with all sorts of goodies.

Lip gloss, candy, straws (?), Blanket, wipes,

dry shampoo (if I have any hair)          

For the cards, and well wishes.

The books and resources.

Anonymous givers.

For the help with my homework, thanks Jen.

My teachers looking past many assignments, giving me full credit when the assignment was only a quarter done.

Our landlords calling to say don’t worry about rent for the next few months.

For all the hugs and kind words.

The phone calls, the promises, the songs.

The flowers and plants. That are so beautiful.

If you turn on the news its all about hatred and division. 

This past few weeks have shown me that the news is only a small slice of what is really going on.  

There are so many kind and compassionate people out there.  It’s so refreshing.

So, from the bottom of my heart and my family’s heart we truly thank all of you. Thank you for being part of this journey. It really is….Our Journey.

Perspective (Judges 6)

This past week or so God has put on my heart to read the book of Judges, in the Bible.

As I was reading, I had to stop at the story of Gideon.  It’s one of my favorites.

A little background, probably better if you read it yourselves.  But I will try to give a full picture.

The Israelites were in a bad way, they were far from God and the Midianites were terrorizing them.

The Midianites would come into their fields and destroy everything.  An angel appeared to a man named Gideon…

^11-12 One day the angel of God came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, whose son Gideon was threshing wheat in the wine press, out of sight of the Midianites. The angel of God appeared to him and said, “God is with you, O mighty warrior!”

…..Think about it…I’m what?

…..I just see Gideon shaking his head, like what are you talking about?

¹³ Gideon replied, “With me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about, telling us, ‘Didn’t God deliver us from Egypt?’ The fact is, God has nothing to do with us—he has turned us over to Midian.”

…..Sometimes we can look at the situation and not realize what God is doing.

…..Gideon summed up God’s involvement by what he saw.  It was a bleak situation…so, how in the world is God with us?...

¹⁴ But God faced him directly: “Go in this strength that is yours. Save Israel from Midian. Haven’t I just sent you?”

…..I love how God isn’t fazed by Gideon and how he perceives the situation …He looks Gideon right in eyes, right in the face and speaks what is true.

…..Gideon still doesn’t hear what God is trying to say. God is patient.

¹⁵ Gideon said to him, “Me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me. My clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.”

…..it doesn’t matter….your status, ….your abilities, …your fears…. When God wants to do something it’s really not anything about who you are.  It’s all about who God is.

…..this has been so true for me.  God has given me joy, strength, faith.  He meets me daily with songs and scriptures.

“If God be for us who can be against us” (Romans 8:31)

¹⁶ God said to him, “I’ll be with you. Believe me, you’ll defeat Midian as one man.”

There’s more to read of this story, read it if you can.  God is not stumped, he knows all about our insecurities.  He’s not discouraged.  My strength is this….That God is with me.

We Were Made to Thrive, Not Just Survive

To My Amazing Family & Dear Friends,

First, I just wanted to thank all of you for praying.  God is answering your prayers.  It really does work, and I appreciate it.

Second, On Wednesday I went to another oncologist appointment.  So different than the last.  She was informative, supportive and very personable.

 After talking about the kind of cancer that I have and talking about the treatment options.  I still don’t know what kind of treatment I will have until I see the surgeon on this Wednesday. 

So far what I understand is that chemo most likely will be used first to shrink the cancer since the tumor is 5.5 cm and not sure that they would get clean margins operating on such a large mass.

 I talked to a Radiologist yesterday (thanks Rebecca) who told me that they have seen chemo shrink the entire tumor to nothing.  But, treatment could last up to 1 year.

This coming Wednesday I go to the surgeon to discuss his opinion on my treatment plan.  In my heart I would like to pursue chemo and hold off on the surgery. 

I am also changing my diet to a more whole foods approach and am starting to juice.  This has helped some people with cancer.  Even if it doesn’t shrink the tumor I will be stronger for chemo.

Third, I’m encouraged, not sad, or fearful.  I’m learning to just rest, be patient. There’s not much more I can do except keep learning about breast cancer so that I will have as much input into my treatment as possible. 

With all the reading and research, I feel as though I just signed up for a 5-unit crash course.  Thank you, Linda, for the book on Breast Cancer Treatment. Sent all the way from Las Vegas. I really appreciate it.

On a personal note.  I have been reading through Judges, in the Bible, I’ve been encouraged to see how God works and who he uses.  

These are stories of just ordinary people, some courageous, some timid, but how God still used them to accomplish his will. God delivered his people when they cried out again and again.  He's the God of heavens armies and He is for us.

  

I just wanted to keep singing so, I  kept listening and another song came up by Casting Crowns

...."We were made for so much more than ordinary lives, we were made to thrive"..

This really spoke to me.  God's desire for my life is not just about surviving but about thriving.  So, I coined the word, thrivior 😊  Yes, it’s silly but makes a point.

I really don’t just want to survive, I want to thrive on this journey.  I don’t know how it will all end up, if I will lose my hair, how chemo will affect me, if I need surgery, or even if the cancer will come back. 

But, I do know that God will meet me, He will fill my reservoir, He will carry me through.  Knowing him personally, giving me a right perspective, strength for the moment, peace that passes understanding and joy unspeakable.

That’s thriving!